That was the month and year when my blogging journey truly began and when I decided to create something that was mine and mine only.
I wish I could say that my intentions were pure and the only thing I wanted was to share what I learnt in life, but that would be a lie.
I wanted to be cool and popular, and I wanted to get free stuff that other bloggers were getting. My ego was so huge that I was convinced I will be getting thousands of views in a matter of weeks.
Boy was I wrong.
I was writing about beauty, entertainment and fashion. I was posting recipes and shared stories about the law of attraction and how I cured myself of epilepsy because I believed I could. I had absolutely no idea why I was doing it and what I wanted to achieve.
You see, I had a Tumblr blog before I became a proper blogger.
I started it on June 12th in 2012 and I was not popular there either but since I was mainly posting about Bruno Mars, One Direction and FC Barcelona, I was able to get over 500 followers which for me meant I was famous.
Since I enjoyed posting about things I found entertaining there I figured why not make a website where I can take things to the next level and finally become as famous as Kristina Bazan from Kayture was. I wasn’t even her fan or read her blog, but she was blonde and pretty and from Europe and I wanted to be like her.
I was not passionate about anything I was writing on my website, as I was just looking for my big break which was not coming as I had no readers, no marketing plan and I absolutely wasn’t writing posts that I would be proud of. The only thing I was serious about was my logo which I got from Fiverr for 5 dollars.
Exactly one year after starting my website it crashed and I had to start again.
So in December of 2015, I bought a new domain with a very similar name and I started over. Writing about the same old shit I was writing about before.
No passion, no vision, just blind faith that god will bring me everything I desire if I just believe hard enough.
As luck would have it, my website crashed yet again… in December, exactly one year after buying the new domain.
This time I was done. Over it. I was sick and tired of being played by the universe – I was still into god and angels back then – and I was convinced the big man was telling me I need to step up and get my name out there.
I had to find the reason why I wanted to be a blogger. I had to create a vision for myself that would motivate me to work every day and I had to get very, very clear on what I wanted to write about. Because this time my website will not crash in 12 months – no, this time I meant business.
So in September of 2016, I created this website (that you are on right now) and decided I am not playing small anymore. I was ready to hustle and work day and night until I get what I want.
In these past 3 years, I wrote over 500 posts, deleted about 200 of them, tried every single marketing technique I knew Gary Vee would tell me to do, joined platforms and grew my following, left platforms, and most importantly, I created an online home I am proud of.
For the first 4 years, I wasn’t getting any readers. Like, no one was reading anything I wrote. I also didn’t promote my posts but let’s not blame me as if you build it they come, right?
Yeah, not so much.
Pinterest is still a mystery to me but somehow I manage to get thousands of people on my website from there, while on the other hand, I love Twitter yet get only 3 readers a month – not to mention I was religiously posting on it for the first few years and I still have no followers (update – I deleted it).
Blogging is unpredictable. You do things that you love and think will do well but they fail, and then you join a website that you have no idea how it works and masses of people start reading your shit. You literally never know what will work and you are always surprised, but that’s the beauty of blogging.
So here I am, exactly 5 years later and I am still hustling and trying to catch my big break. Figuring out what works and how to get my work out there while keeping my dignity and self-respect.
I am convinced that one day I will make it, whatever that means, but I have learnt that success truly does not come easy and it takes many years to reach it.
You know, I used to think it was silly when people talked about how it took them 10 years to achieve their goals, how they worked for decades without any taste of success. I thought it was absurd that it takes that long when we have the internet and billions of people who need the knowledge we have.
But then I look back and I realize I have been doing this for 5 years and I never wanted to stop. No matter how much it took from me, how tired I was, how embarrassed I was of trying new things… I always had faith that I was doing good work and I completely forgot that I was supposed to be successful in my first year.
That’s why we should do what we are good at and what we enjoy.
I know one day I will look back and see all the dots connect together, just like Steve said, remember?
Until then, I will continue writing, creating and living. When I die I will have the chance to say that I did something that was good and that made me feel better about myself and that I was creating even though not many people saw my creations.
When I die I will have a legacy, even if it’s just a blog. But it’s going to be a blog that I created and that I put my heart into. That’s all that matters. That I did my best with what I had.