When I was around 9 years old, I had my first breakdown. Not a typical breakdown when you almost lose your mind and feel powerless.
It was more of tiredness from living in a broken home and being abused by my mother. I completely lost it one evening, screaming at the sky, calling out to god and begging him to kill me.
I guess when you want to die you believe in anything, even supernatural. But that was the first time I remember being suicidal and truly tired of it all.
I got diagnosed with clinical depression short after my mother died in 2010. I was 18 at the time and my mental health was so bad that I was fantasising about suicide all the time and was paralyzed when I had to leave home.
I don’t know when exactly I stopped being depressed but I remember how it stopped taking over my life as years went by. Until one day I just knew I wasn’t depressed anymore.
I think depression is very complex and even though I might be okay now, I am aware that it can come back if I am not careful enough. It’s a constant battle in your mind.
But you aren’t here to hear my sob story. You are here because you want to know what 5 things I did to heal from depression.
Here are my tips on how you can heal from clinical depression:
- I started therapy a few months ago and even though I wasn’t depressed anymore, it felt like closure. That final act I had to complete before I could close the door and say: It’s over. Find a good therapist and be open to recovery, or open for closure like me. Don’t think you are too good for professional help, they exist for a reason.
- Remove yourself from people who are harming you. I had to leave high school to avoid committing suicide because bullying wasn’t something I was able to handle while fighting depression and trying to stay alive.
- Start reading books. I find that getting lost in imaginary worlds helps me escape misery in reality. Well, everyone does that but I think I am prone to living in an imaginary world all the time. Books have been my warm blanket when I was suffering the most. Here are some of my favourite books you might find interesting.
- Practice meditation. Ever since I read Waking Up by Sam Harris and downloaded his meditation app that goes by the same name, I have felt saved from the darkness. Being able to observe your thoughts even if only for a second every few moments, it lets you know that you are able to detach yourself from the thoughts. Meditation helps you become the observer of the darkness, not one with it. If you need tips on how to start meditating, I wrote a post about it here.
- Listen to your body. I am usually against this crap about how we should listen to our body and not science but when it comes to this topic, I think we should give our body a chance. When things were the worst and I was unable to go outside during the day, I would go on my bike and ride around at 2 am. The silence was calming and being alone without anyone seeing me was giving me the power to move. Usually, we don’t move when we are depressed but just sleep all day. By listening to my body who was craving movement during the night, I was able to move it regularly even if it was at 3 am outside in the middle of winter.
I speak as someone who suffered from depression for almost 2 decades. I have been through it all and I know how it feels like.
But even though I know how hard it is, I still want to make sure you understand that you are the only one who will keep you alive. You are the only one who can make progress. You can seek help, and you should, but ultimately, if you don’t take the steps, you will stay stuck.
I hope you are able to stand up even when your knees are shaking and your mind is foggy, and that you are able to slowly move forward.
If you need encouragement or just someone to talk to, make sure to find me on Instagram where you can DM me and say Hi.