In November I started taking 5mg of aripiprazole. It is kind of a mood-stabilizing antipsychotic that helps me balance my emotions and stay calmer.
If you are new here, I have Borderline Personality Disorder and you can read more about my experience living with it in this post here.
I already take quetiapine occasionally so adding another drug was kind of a big deal for me. I mean, how badly do I want permanent brain damage and a heart attack due to all the antipsychotics in my system, you know?
But it was necessary.
The pain is too difficult to bear on my own. I require something to help me tame myself so I can function normally in this chaotic, chaotic world. My wild side is too wild for me to not cage it.Â
I’ve been on aripiprazole for a few months now and my life is completely different – both positively and negatively. While the pills are helpful, there are side effects. Unfortunately, not the good kind.
First, my sleep schedule is completely and utterly fucked up. I can fall asleep anytime and anywhere but I also sleep less at the same time. Basically, I take a lot of naps.
Nikola Tesla reportedly did that as well. He never slept for more than two hours at a time.
Second, I am like a zombie, just walking through life without any passions, interests or hobbies. Nothing excites me anymore, not that it did before, but now I am quite literally tamed to the 100%.
Third, not to get too intimate but say goodbye to your libido and feeling attracted to anyone, ever. I have met people who I would be head over heels for months ago but now I am empty and not interested.
It is quite honestly very sad what is happening to me. But there is a reason why I continue taking them and here come the pros of aripiprazole.
The biggest reason is that my mood is stable most of the time, and even when I overreact it is nothing compared to the beast I used to be. It has been months since I last self-harmed or yelled at anyone.Â
Anxiety is lower and easier to handle while talking to people doesn’t scare me that much anymore.Â
I am currently on 5mg that I take every evening because otherwise, I get too tired. Quetiapine is still a pill of choice when I want to get a good night sleep but I do not rely on them anymore. Combining them is interesting, though, but I will get into that some other time.
Overall, my experience has been positive enough that I am not quitting on them… yet. While the cons are very tiring, the pros are good enough for me to continue staying on this journey.
This is my decision and it is up to me what I will do; just as is up to you what you will do with your body when it comes to taking drugs.
Whatever you decide to do, please think for yourself and have a discussion with a medical professional. This post is simply food for thought, an opinion piece from someone who finds aripiprazole helpful.
Think of your mental health. Think of your future.
If you feel called, please consider supporting my work by buying me a cup of cappuccino. It helps greatly and gives me more freedom to continue writing.Â
Tanja
