10 things I’ve learnt while healing from BPD

This was originally published on Substack.

It’s been three years since I went off my medication, and about four years since my mental health started to improve.

There were some lows I have experienced, but mostly I have managed to keep it steady. Since I love writing about my journey because it keeps me motivated to do better, I want to share some things I’ve learnt so far.

Every situation I’ve been in since then has given me something to think about. Especially those situations in which I used to lose my mind when in the midst of. Seeing how differently I approach them now, or at least how I try to approach them now, is worthy of sharing.

I know that I love hearing from people whose BPD symptoms have lessened, and I’m sure there is someone who will appreciate my story. It’s a way to encourage each other to do more work on ourselves, but also to show what is possible if we do the work well.

Instead of talking about our worst behaviour, can we start focusing on our healing, please? It’s so much healthier to cheer and uplift than to tear down and demonise.

Here are 10 things I’ve learnt while healing from BPD:

1. Ignoring things and people is actually one of the most effective things I can do for myself. When I avoid toxic subreddits or gossip forums for even just one day, I am actually happier. The same happens when I avoid spending time with people that I don’t really like.
2. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that it was the antipsychotics that helped me climb out of the hellhole, and not all the workbooks I journaled in. Yes, I did my half, and the drugs did their half, but I have zero evidence it wasn’t the medicine that did the heavy lifting. They did.
3. Adding on to the first point, living alone has been the biggest gift. While I love my family dearly, we all know that our relationships are stronger now that we all live apart. Not spending time with the person who triggered my symptoms the most has improved my life, and theirs. Now we choose when to be together. We are not forced by the circumstances.
4. Going for long walks in nature does more for my peace than meditating. It hurts to say this because I used to be such a dedicated meditator, but over the years, I realised I receive more help when I move than when I stand still. A daily walk is a daily reset for me. Interestingly, even those walks when I listen to podcasts, and not ponder about life, are helpful.
5. Life was never meant to be figured out. It’s just meant to be lived.
6. My dreams are completely valid (I hate this word so much lol!). I am allowed to change my dreams, remove them, add new ones, or just have days when I have no dreams at all. What I want in life is for me only, and nothing and no one should be able to affect it. I need to trust myself.
7. Speaking of dreams, taking the Jungian approach to working with them is better than any therapy. I have learnt more about my psyche by analysing one dream than having eight sessions with a nun therapist. Brown bears are my guides, and they guide me better than any doctor has.
8. I have to stop blaming BPD for every bad thing I do and acknowledge that sometimes I just do bad things because I want to do bad things. I can misbehave and be mean without blaming my diagnosis. Mental illness doesn’t always cause bad behaviour. Normal people say bad things, too.
9. Instead of having screaming matches with my father, I can just set clear boundaries and make sure he respects them. And if he doesn’t, I can always walk away and return when he is willing to engage in a healthy conversation. Setting boundaries with my father has been the most productive thing for our relationship.
10. There is no timeline that I have to follow. I can walk my own path in a way that I choose, and I can do it at my own pace. There is no one to impress or compete with, because most people I feel threatened by are living lives that I don’t want to live myself. Why be threatened by someone I don’t want to be like? Why compete with a life I don’t want to live myself?

It feels like something was taken off my chest, but in the best way possible.

For two years, I didn’t write because I lost the spark, and so much of what I shared in this post was carried without ever being put down. Now that I have, I can go on and pick up new lessons.

It turns out, healing is easier when you have compassion for yourself. For so long, I was pushing myself to do what I was told I had to do, and nothing worked. I felt miserable and powerless.

Once I took my mental health into my own hands and did what my inner Self told me to do, I started healing. There were antipsychotics, sure, but after I stopped taking them, it was me who continued the job.

I hope you find a lesson that sparks a thought you will ponder on your daily walks. You have your own inner guide, and when you listen to it, it will tell you exactly what you need to make progress.

You got this. Listen to your heart, and stop laughing at the cliché saying. Just give it a shot.

Tanja