This was originally published on Substack.
For the past ten years, I have been sharing my life, home and heart with three stunning ladies. Their names are Lia (10), Ariel (9) and Daisy (8). They were all rescued/adopted as babies, and they’ve been indoor cats since childhood.
I always knew I wanted to be childfree (with minor doubts since I turned 30, but more about that some other time), but to say that my three babies made this decision easier on me is an understatement.
Waking up to a cat throwing up on my pillow (and they always do it twice), shit being smeared on the floor, cat hair literally everywhere, and having to be home just in time for dinner unless I want them to tragically starve, is me being tested to see if I could handle a child.
I am not even mentioning the pissing in the sink to protest the new litter, health scares when one of them has diarrhoea or vomits blood, having fleas on my fucking head, and them sleeping on freshly washed clothes hanging on a clothing drying rack.
I guess I did mention it.
Sometimes I break down and cry on the floor. Mostly when I am scrubbing the shit stains from the floor, or cleaning my keyboard after one of them threw up on it.
But then I look at them, or show them what they did, or try to explain why that’s wrong, and they have no idea, and my heart just reminds me it’s worth it.
No matter how exhausting it feels at times to take care of three very different individuals who don’t understand why I’m crying again, it all falls away when we all fall asleep on the bed at night.
Not being able to move because three cats are sleeping next to your head, torso and feet, is an amazing feeling. Although I will admit, when the urge to pee is strong, I will wake them up to move. I know, controversial, but this is one rule I break regularly.
Each one of them is so different, and I wish people knew this about cats. It hurts me that cats are not cared for like dogs are because people believe they don’t want or need affection, attention or playtime.
Cats absolutely love their human parents and need your attention and affection just like any other companion animal. They need playtime and learning time, and they do care that you spend time with them. And no, they can’t be left alone the whole day because they are so independent.
Sometimes it feels that we punish cats the way we punish independent women. If you dare to set boundaries with your personal space, you will be punished by a lack of care and affection. If you are like dogs and you allow me to exploit you for my own happiness, you will be rewarded, but if you set boundaries, you will be punished.
And I love dogs. I am a dog person, and just less than two years ago, I lost my soul dog, who was my greatest love. So this is not about being mean to dogs, but having been a parent to both cats and dogs, they are different.
Instead of appreciating the difference, we love one and we are indifferent to the other. If only cats ran to us when we come home, or allowed us to pet them whenever we desire, then we would treat them the way we treat dogs.
They do run to us. And when they trust us, we can pet them all the time. Still, it feels like the fact that they set boundaries makes us uncomfortable. How dare they tell us, humans, what we can and cannot do with their bodies? Dogs would never.
My babies are my most important teachers. They make me a better woman, not only a better person.
Here is what Lia, Ariel and Daisy taught me about life:
- Lia taught me how to set boundaries and protect my peace.
Lia is what you would call an alpha cat. She was the first one we adopted out of all three, so she had a year to be the queen of the apartment.
Her attitude, whether she is jumping or walking, is very confident panther-like. She can fuck you up if she chooses, but she doesn’t. One of my favourite things about her personality is that she makes it very clear when she wants to be alone.
She won’t scratch or bite (although she can and she has in the past), but the way she looks at you with those focused eyes makes it very clear she doesn’t want your company. That’s why you need to understand these small cues, like with humans, to understand when someone wants to have space.
But then, when she wants to cuddle, she uses her little paw to gently touch my face or neck and ask to be let under the cover. Or she jumps on the table and stares at me until I invite her to lie on my lap.
It’s the fact that she lets me know very clearly when she wants to be alone that makes her attention towards me so special. She knows I respect her, and she respects me back. We are two grown women, females, who understand each other’s boundaries, needs and wants.
- Ariel taught me how to love despite past hurts.
My cuddly-chubby Ariel has been a victim of prevalent bullying by Lia since she arrived. Hey, I never said Lia doesn’t have flaws. She is an alpha.
Ari has been bullied to the point of being afraid of eating from the bowl and having to use her paws to bring food to the floor to feel safe. It is one of the saddest things to see her eat from the floor when the other two eat from their fancy purple bowls.
There were months when she was so deeply attached to me that she wouldn’t leave me alone for a second. She followed me everywhere, always vocalising to express her need for my attention.
The reason why Ariel was targeted is that she wasn’t happy when Daisy arrived, and Lia felt protective of Daisy, so she adopted the little one and turned against Ariel. Ariel was lonely and bullied for years.
But my baby is brave, and she started reaching out to Daisy after years of loneliness, and now they play daily. Lia comes around too at times, but Ariel now has her little sister and someone who wants to run around together.
Even after all the pain and stress, she still wanted to be close to her family and started reaching out. We can all learn from her.
- Daisy taught me that it’s not the size of the individual, but the courage that matters.
Daisy is my forever baby because she stopped growing at around 7 months old.
Being small, or a short queen, could stop her from doing everything her bigger sisters did, but Daisy said not on her watch.
If Lia jumped on top of the closet, Daisy figured out a path to join her. If Ariel could walk on vertical stairs, so could she if she just practised enough. Her little body is pure fat and muscle. Yes, she is a soft bodybuilder in the form of a cat.
Nothing stops her. There are a few obstacles that she has yet to overcome, but not for a lack of trying. Her courage to not let her size keep her from being an average cat is one of the biggest reasons why I love her. Many times, I need to help Ariel jump on the window shelf or help Lia get the balls from under the chair, but Daisy is independent.
If she can figure out how to do it herself, she will. And so far, she is in charge of everything.
Daisy is never complaining, never asking for help for what she can do herself, and never misbehaving. She is truly the best cat in the world. The goodest girl.
I know human mothers hate when we, cat ladies, compare ourselves to them, and I do understand that, but we both mother someone. We have different goals, responsibilities and challenges, but we both use our maternal instincts to raise someone.
Having three cats has taught me that I would not enjoy caring for a human baby. Raising a child is the hardest job in the world because if you fail for one minute, it can cost you your life. No, thank you, I will pass on that opportunity.
But I do give my heart to raising someone and teaching them how to behave. I do feed someone, worry about them and keep an eye on them when they act recklessly. My biological need to mother has been fulfilled, and I would like it to stop at non-human animals.
All animals are a family, and we are all genetically connected. Literally. So my cats are kind of like my biological relatives.
I just want cats to be loved and respected. I want you to see them as your family because they are. I want you to stop abandoning them when a human baby arrives, or you want to travel, or you are moving houses.
They are your family. You are their caretaker, or a parent, if this word doesn’t trigger you because you believe it should be reserved for human children. The second you adopt them or rescue them, you are required to give them the best life you possibly can.
Cats are the best little individuals in the world. If a cat loves you, you have done something good in your life.
Tanja
